March 8, 2006

• I'm at work.  Its Wednesday which means its the busiest day of the week because we have the two new classes starting.  Sooo.....I'm slacking.  I just really don't want to fucking work today.  I left early yesterday because I had a headache that was threatening to turn into a migraine.  I left about 2pm and was home in bed by 2:30pm, slept until 8pm where I woke up to watch American Idol (please don't tell anyone) and then House at 9pm (you can tell people about this, House is a damn good show).  Then it was back to bed for me.  So I got copious amounts of sleep and am alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic.  Therein lies my problem.  Work goes so much smoother when I'm in a haze and can coast through the day without the knowledge I'm wasting my life away in the hell hole.  Tonight I must get less sleep.

  
  

  Actually, I do like my job.  Its just not want I want to do with my life.  Oh well...one day right?  At least thats what I keep telling myself.  On day Jason will be done with school and it will be my turn.  The things we do for those we love. 

  
  

  I work with this one dude, his name is Chip.  Now take everything that name conjures up in your mind and make it manifest into a living breathing man.  That's Chip.  I don't need to describe him because your mental image his name invokes is enough.  But lets pretend for a second you can't imagine things for shit and I'll describe him anyway.  He's about 5'9" semi-stocky build with blond hair that is cut into a style I can only describe as being done by his own mother.  His looks about 12 but in reality is 28.  He is a 'Super Christian' and married when he was 25 because he knocked his girlfriend up in their first sexual experience.  When I say first sexual experience I mean period, the first, the great defloweration.  See Chip was saving himself for marriage and the devil weakened his will with his then girlfriends wobbly ass swathed in sultry stretch denim from Layne Bryant.  They go to church every Sunday, and again on Wednesdays for 'youth groups' and 'woman's studies' and whatever the hell else said Christians do.  

  
  

  Now being a Christian isn't the problem.  I couldn't care less if on believes in God.  I believe in a creater just not in a Christian sense.  My problem lies in the fact he's the most insecure bible thumping idiot I've ever...okay that right there...what I was going to say about 'ever', that's a lie.  Its the fact I'm forced to be around him.  I can't get away from him.  And its driving me insane.  I'm about to make him a martyr for the cause.  Only I don't know if you can be a martyr if they can't find your body.   Today we were standing in a door way and I had a high lighter uncapped in my hand that accidentally touched him and made a yellow dot.  He looks at me and says, "You know, my wife would appreciate you touching me like that."  I didn't know what the fuck to say.  I just looked at him and went, "Are you fucking kidding me?"  He told me he wasn't but I don't think he understood my tone.  I wanted to follow him out and tell him how never in a million and one years would I touch him with someone else vagina.  My lack of God forbids it!  I'd soon masturbate with a shard of broken glass and that his ugly, insecure, god warrior of a wife has nothing to worry about.  

  
  

  Things like this have happened a few times, apparently  I sit to close to him and his wife was uncomfortable with it because obviously I want to do nasty fornicating things with him so he moved his desk.  Apparently my v-neck sweater is cut to low.  He also doesn't appreciate the comments I make and I use the lords name in vain to much.  Yes, I use the lords name in vain to much.  So much that he actually went to my boss and I was pulled into his office to have a talk about it.  My response to my boss?  "That's God damned stupid Doug".  He agreed thankfully.  Chip shall soon be out of my department thankfully.  He thinks he runs this department and is bossy as hell but really has no authority.  This is all due to insecurity and the fact he has no people skills.  He basically talked himself in to a demotion. 

  
  

  So weeee!  People are screaming my name so I guess I should stop ignoring them now and get to it. 

  • 1:30 pm
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