May 22, 2005

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  Poor neglected Xanga!  Not to mention all of the updates from other people I've missed. So I've listened to Alphavilles Forever Young about 12 times in a row now.  I don't know why, but that song always makes me very happy and I always picture my friends and I frolicking in a field somewhere on a sunny day.  Yes, I'm weird. I went to Beltaine with my friend Cameron.  It was a much needed release and seems to have lifted a good bit of my depression.  There were actually some really amazing drummers there this year and we danced around the fire until sun up.  It was very magical and infectious.  I still don't like my roommate but we seem to have fallen into a civil patch that I hope will last until our lease is up in November.  I thank any God that will listen for the love and sanity Jason brings me every day. My birthday is next month.  On the 10th to be exact.  I think I'm having an existential crisis...a crisis of existence...a pre-midlife crisis.  Hell, I don't know.  I'm going to be 25 and am so far from what I though I should be doing at 25.  I'm not suprised, I think I do this to myself once a year only every year it gets worse because I'm doing nothing different from the year before.  I need to go back to school, but I don't even know if that will leave me fulfilled.  I think I want to much.  Yet even though I want I don't seem to go out their and forge my way to getting anything.  Such a rut I'm in. But I'll stop now as this type of things nauseates and annoys even myself. In other things...I'm eagerly awaiting the next Harry Potter and I'm annoyed its not coming out until July.  I looked it up on amazon the other day and it was their and I got all excited until I realized its a pre-order.  Such a cock tease...

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