Hey Erin!  You made me blush!!  Thank you for the compliments.  The boy in the picture with me is actually my friend Majed.  That is a picture of us in Las Vegas for my birthday.  I have refused to take pictures of my boyfriend as he wont smile in a picture.  Someone told him once long ago his teeth looked funny (they don't) and he has refused to smile for a picture since.  I hate taking pictures with him because I'm all smiley and he looks like he is have a miserable time.  Ergo, until he gets over his issue and will smile for a picture, I wont take one of him or with him.  Its funny how such a little thing said to you at the right impressionable time can follow you for years.

So I have decided I want to get a crappy job.  Its the only way I can go to school.  I can get a full time $17.00/hr paying job, but they'll never let me have the time I need to go to school.  So, I would rather be poor and focus on my education.  That after all is whats really important to me.  With my boyfriend and I both working we can survive on minimum wages or just above type jobs.  Hell, it might even be fun.  I would be nice to not feel trapped in a job due to money or benefits.  I can be on my mothers insurance for the next year so I don't have to worry about that.  I would think lots of jobs would be opening up soon due to college kids going back to school. 

I think part of my fear is I'll be 25 next June and I feel like I should have done something with my life by then.  25 scares me for some reason.  I guess its good to be a little scared if its lighting a fire under me to get my ass moving. 

So I am feeling a little depressed. I think its just due to the fact I have been house bound for so damn long. I am finally feeling better after going to the dentist again and having him violently shove crap into both of my dry sockets to make them feel better. I can almost open my mouth all the way! Such a little thing, but so irritating. So now that I am feeling better I just need to get the hell out of the house. My boyfriend got his first paycheck today so we are going to go to the movies this weekend and perhaps try to wrangle some friends together for a beer.

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Yeah...this sucks...my teeth are throbbing and my jaw hurts and I am out of pain meds.  The prescription said to take one every 4-6 hours.  Which I did in the beginning and it did jack shit.  So if I was in A LOT of pain I would take one, wait an hour, and if it didn't go away, I would take another one.  Well I called in the refill to the pharmacy and they said it was to early to refill it and that I had to call my dentist.  So I call Mr. Dentist and he tells me I shouldn't have gone through the bottle already and he wont refill it because he fears I may have an addiction to pain killers.  WTF!!! 4 days ago you cut into me and yanked out 4 of my frickin' teeth and sewed me back up!  Trust me, I'm not tryin' to get high here!!!  The prescription was only for 20 pills anyway and would only have lasted me 4 or 5 days so its not like I ate the whole bottle in a day.  He tells me I am just going to have to use and ice pack and take ibprophen (sp? whatever).  So I am goin got call my doctor today and plead my case to her.  I wonder if there is anywhere I could complain about my dentist too...probably not.  I really want to pull out 4 of his teeth then give him a 20 tylenol and say have fun! 

I just keep telling myself this will all be over soon, and that its good I did this now when I was between jobs and its not interfering with anything.  I just feels like this has been going on an extra long time because of the infection I had that lasted a week.  Grrr...one day at a time...

Okay, I finally got my wisdom teeth out yesterday afternoon.  I was really nervous as I hate the dentist, but it was way easy.  When we were done I actually asked the dentist when we were going to start because it felt like I had just sat down.  So everything was fine last night and I thought to myself, "Hey, this is no big deal, I don't know what everyone complains about."  Then I woke up this morning with those works stabbing me in the empty wisdom tooth sockets while cackling at me.  It feels like the sore tooth a had a few weeks ago was back and added to all sides of my mouth.  I woke up and puked which just hurt worse.  I don't know why I puked, it doesn't supprise me though because I puke over anything.  So yeah, it hurts like hell right now.  I just took some andi nausia stuff so I can take my pain pill without fear of yacking it back up.  The dentist said that this should go away in three days.  I am just soooo scared of getting a dry socket.  Thats the one thing everyone warned me about with true fear in there eyes.  Oh well, I pretty much chalked this summer up to being sick anyway so I am just going to stay in my air conditioned bedroom and play video games.

On the upside, my boyfriend got a job!  YAY!  So we will have some income and not having to completely rely on my mother (god bless her for her help).  I just can't wait to get better so I can get a job of my own and we can finally start working towards getting a house!!!  Okay, off to bed with me!

BEWARE: MAJOR GROSS OUT AHEAD IF YOU READ!

Okay, the nastiest thing in the world just happend to me...I carefully brushed my teeth and lightly went over the swollen area and something on the inside of my mouth popped and pus is now steadily dripping into my mouth.  I involutarily puked like crazy because it was so disgusting!!!  The inside of my mouth does feel better now because there isn't so much pressure on my teeth but this is the grossest thing that has ever happend to me hands down.  I can still taste it.  I don't know if its still dripping or its all in my head.  I am going to the doctor today and I am making her give me a HUGE shot of demerol or something that is going to knock my ass out.  Besides feeling like shit, I now have to sit here and imagine the gross, infection filled pus running down my throat.  I am so done....

Yeah, its been forever since I have updated.  Probably because my life has sucked balls this last month and to post and entry would mean having to re-live every shit filled minute of being sick, getting fired, and the fun of owing unemployment $1,899.63.

It is currently 8:34am and the only frickin' reason I am up is I can't sleep due to my infected wisdom teeth.  The whole right side of my face is swollen like a grapefuit.  What is really fucking gross is the infection has moved up my face and my eye is weeping this puss-like substance.  I haven't eaten in 2 and a half days and if I do eat anything I puke it up.  I just got done dry heaving for 15 minutes.  I feel like I have the flu.  I assume thats due to my body fighting off the infection.  I have been taking anti-biotics for the last three days and they haven't done jack shit.  I can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time and when I do sleep I have fever dreams.  I keep dreaming about my face and it being like, 10 times bigger than what it is.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, thank god, maybe she can help me more than my dentist.  The dentist said they can't do anything until the infection goes away.  Even if my doctor can do no more than give me a nice big shot of Demoral, I will be eternally grateful. 

eh...I'm going to go puke again....

So my best friend had a baby.  I missed the event much to my relief.  I feel like a complete bitch but it was way to wierd.  I guess wierd isn't the right word but its close enough. 

She had a home birth with mid-wives and no pain medication.  She started the labor in a hot tub them moved into a bed in her mother-in-laws dining room.  Her mother-in-law is keeping the placenta to plant under a tree in the back yard and they are also keeping part of the umbilical cord they shaped in to a heart.  I guess it will dry and can be placed in a baby album or whatever.  There were about 15 family members a friends all with cameras and cam corders who captured the whole thing and forced me to watch.  It just to out there and gross to me.  I don't need the placenta or cord or anything else from the birth to remind me I had a baby.  I get a kid who will run my life for the next 18 years to remind me of that.

What irritates me is because I think all of this is uber gross my friend and her family think I don't want kids.  I think thats bull shit.  Just because I want to be in a hospital with drugs does not mean I might not want kids or wont make a good parent.  I just personally don't think that in this day and age with the medical advances that have been made, there is any reason to go through pain if you don't have to, nor do you have to have your baby in the same archaic mannor.  Just a different side to the whole process.  I wish she would understand that. 

So my birthday is on Thursday.  My family keeps asking me what I want and I run into the same problem I do every year.  I have no friggin' clue.  I'm sure there are lots of things I need, I just can't think of them right now.  Its usually not until the day after my birthday I seem to think of twenty things that I would like.  I hate to say just give me money and I'll think of it later because my family are the gift giving types.  They also don't like to get gifts that are practical.  Like I need the air conditioner fixed on my car.  Its about $60 to do.  But my mother wants to get me things that I wouldn't buy myself.  Hehe, I guess they are as difficult on the giving end as I am on the recieving end. 

meh....apartment hunting sucks!!!!   I am so damned picky.  I refuse to have a place that has no dishwasher and no washer/dryer.  Then it needs to be a two bedroom near downtown with lots of space at a reasonable price.  Is that to much to ask for, apparently it is. 

It looks like I may be laid off in a few months so I need to find a place fast before I no longer have a job and nowhere will take me.  Granted I will be making the max on unemployment, but still no one will rent to someone with no place of employment.  I am so sick of living in Beaverton I could scream.  When I am home, I don't want to leave because that means having to drive 30 minutes to get anywhere and I have to look at Beaverton.  If I am away, I don't want to go home because it will take 30 minutes or more and I'll have to look at Beaverton on the way home.  I am on the other side of the city from all my friends and family and I am so sick of it.

Blah, why did my friend have to bail on me.  This would be so much easier if we were all getting a house.  Oh well, lifes not fair.  I'm just sick of running around looking at apartments that all suck.  I know the perfect place has to be out there somewhere.  Then when I find it I will actually have to move.  Which I hate more than anything.  Maybe I'll hire movers...it would be worth it to not have the headache of moving.  I'm sure my friends will appreciate it since they wouldn't have to help.  However much movers are, I will be worth not having the headache moving causes. 

I hate my job....It really makes me realize how stupid most of the population is.  I work in a call center for the phone company and I am about to go postal.  Part of the problem is I have been in the same line of work for 6 years and I have become so irritable lately.  This lady ordered DSL and called me and screamed at me for 20 minutes because it didn't come with a computer.....WTF!!!  She thought because it shows the people on TV using a computer it came with one.  Then I had the lady who called in screaming and calling me a stupid bitch because she went over her cell minutes and we didn't call to tell her.  Then there was the dude who told me I was a money hungry Jew because the taxes on his bill are so high.  Like I have control of that.  I tried to explained the basics of taxes of the government but he didn't get it.  The call ended with him making some comment about my whore of a mother and hanging up. 

What makes me even angrier....theres nothing I can say to these people because if I am not sweet as home made pie to these morons I get fired.  I don't know if its because its over the phone that people think its okay to speak to another this way or what.  Its like because were only a voice on the phone were not human.  All my day consists of is getting yelled and I can't take it anymore.  

I've started to bring it home with me and I didn't notice until tonight when I went off on my boyfriend for not ordering my burrito right at Taco Bell.  I realize I have been doing it a lot lately and I know it stems from work.  The thing is they pay so well especially during this economy.  I hate feeling trapped, especially in a job that is so god awful. 

So my moms in the hospital.  She had ovarian cancer a few years a go and they thought they got it all.  But they found a spot on her lung and have to take a big chunk out of her lung.  Its not so bad though because its all in that one spot and they can get it all no problem.  I just hate going to the hospital.  Its tiring even though all you do is sit there.  The crazy thing is she has smoked for many years and isn't sure if she wills stop.  What more of a wake up call do you need?  The first thing she said when she came out of surgery was, "I want a cigarette."  Maybe the first time she goes to inhale and it burns like hell due to a missing piece of lung she'll get the picture.