So my roommate and I have gotten into a few more fights like the one
previously mentioned.  I don't get it.  They are sooo fucking
stupid.  They start out as civil discussions then the next thing I
realize I'm arguing about the most ridiculous things, and am mad at
myself for letting myself without realizing it.  Then again, when
I try to end the discussion, he FREAKS the fuck out.  I told him,
if he ever feels the need to call me a bitch again, he knows where the
door is. 

So Jason gets paid on Friday.  I don't even know what to do when
we have money to spend, its been sooo long.  I know getting RE4
will be on the top of the list.  Ooh, maybe some new clothes!
=D  Eventually this summer we are planning on going to
Italy.  Its been to long since we've had a real vacation and
getting out of this country would be nice for awhile.  Although, I
hear they aren't to big on the US right now, and I can't blame them.

Meh, I wish Xanga wasn't blocked at my work, or I'd update more. 
I think I'd also have more to say as I'm just sitting there 8 hours a
day doing nothing thinking.  I try to remember what I would write
but by the time I get home its gone and replaced by numbness and
emptyness at finally being away from work. 

So the last few days at work I got stuck going to lunch with the office
18 year old.  She is pretty cool and intellegent, however still 18
and angsty.  I remember being that age and having those same
thoughts and ideals and I don't really enjoy talking about it with
her.  I don't know, while I understand, I know nothing I say will
change her point of view that things don't need to be take so intensly
and how it will all come out in the wash.  Does that make any
sense?  We all go through certain things at certain ages, learn
through it and see it  differently with age, however, I don't want
reminisce with her.  I've found that a lot lately with different
people.  Problems that are so huge and making a big deal out of
shit.  I really just want to tell people go get over it. 
Quit bitching and do something about it or shut the fuck up.  Its
this idea of their being soooo open minded yet really, are a whole hell
of a lot more narrow than they think or realize.  I think that may
come from people actually being so open minded they miss things they
become close minded about certain topics without realizing it. 
Age perhaps?  They forget to check themselves then when someone
else does, they can't take it.  If that makes sense to anyone,
those are the types of people I'm really fuckin' sick of right
now.  I don't even bother with them because trying to explain and
be civil does no good.  All that would come out woudn't be
polite. 

Ranted a little more than I intended to there, didn't I?  I don't
know, I sometime just fantasies about never talking to anyone
again.  Not in a pissed way but refuse to get into any form of
conversation that wades out of the shallow end of the pool. 
Unless your my good friend E ofcoarse, then I'll make an exception

So I got into a fight with my roommate last night.  I don't know
why, but it always seems that some fight or arguement has to happen on
Sunday night with either my boyfriend and I, or Karl and I.  Or
really any mix of the three of us.  And it always ruins my
weekend, makes me sleep like crap, and makes me have a shitty
Monday.  Why the hell can't anyone just be chill?  The first
was over the stupidest thing too.  The movie Constantine. 
Now Karl is very very Christian,  which is fine, but we got into a
talk about certain points on the movie that he interpereted one way,
and I another.  He kept holding to how the Bible explains things
and certain aspects, like the Gabriel in the movie couldn't be the
archangel because its a girl, Constantine refers to her as a half-breed
blah blah blah.  I tried to say that its just a frickin'
movie.  They don't need to follow anything but there own
imaginations to make the story and characters regardless of what the
Bible says.  So the conversations just gets stupid and I tell him
I really don't want to talk about it anymore and he looks at me and
goes:

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!  YOUR SUCH A FUCKING BITCH I DON'T BELIEVE IT!"

And continues to scream obsenities all the way upstairs until he slams his door so hard it rocks the town house.

Whatever, I've never seen such a temper tantrum in my life. 
Meh, I don't want to talk anymore.  I hate being stressed over completely stupid shit.

OH HAPPY SATURDAY, HOW DO I LOVE THEE!

Unfortunatly,  I have errands to run, which I don't want to
do.  I have to take my car into get its battery checked. 
Which will suck becaue I'll probably need a new one.  I swear,
that car is the bain of my existance.  I put a whole new engine
and batterhy in it this summer, cost me over $700 and it still runs
like crap and needs another battery.  I have to get the tail pipe
fixed too because last summer it took it into its head it didn't want
to be held up high anymore and fell down.  So when I went over a
bump I tore a hole in it.  My uncle patched it up, but its not
fixed, fixed.  The car chugs and you can hear me coming from a
mile away.  I want a new car soooo bad!!!  What I wouldn't
give for the asshole who totalled mine in a hit and run a few years
ago!!!  May he find himself in the 9th circle of hell!

So work is going fine.  I can't complain because I literally do
NOTHING all day but read and surf the internet.  I just really
never realized how sucky that would be for a job.  I can spend 12
non-stop on the computer at home, but doing it at work is very
difficult.  Not to mention their half ass security filter. 
If I wanted to look at porn I could, because the filter is that stupid,
yet it will catch random sites that have NOTHING to do with
porn/streaming media/message boards/random stuff  filters are
supposed to catch.   Thats another thing, I can log onto
www.lunabean.com message boards, but it will filter
www.somethingawful.com messageboards.  Whatever....

Its sooo nice here right now.  The sun is out and its warm but not
hot yet.  I think I may grab my boyfriend when he comes home and
go on a picinic, I'm sure the dog would like to get out of the
house. 

Fine, I'll follow along with everyone else:

*BASICS*
Name: Beth
Single or taken: Taken
Sex: female
Birthday: June 10  
Sign: Gemini
Siblings: One brother
Hair colour: Blond
Eye colour: blue
Height: 5' 7"

*R E L A T I O N S H I P S*
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: straight
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Boyfriend
How many exes do you have?: More than I need
What was your shortest relationship?: Three Weeks
What is your longest relationship?: Two and a half  years

*S P E C I F I C S*
Do you do drugs?: Not anymore
What
kind of shampoo do you use?: Cheap Suave (I have to much hair for expensive shit)
What are you most scared of?: That my  megalomaniac ideas shall never come to pass.
What are you listening to right now?: My dog chew on her tennis ball
Who is the last person that called you?: My boyfriend Jason
Where do you want to get married?:I would like an outside wedding
How many buddies are online right now?: 16
What
would you change about yourself?: More motivation

*F A V O R I T E S*
Colors: Red if I'm wearing it, otherwise purple
Foods: PASTA!  The reason why the low card diet would never work for me
Subjects in school: English, Psychology, Human Sexuality, EMT classes

*H A V E  Y O U  E V E R*
Given anyone a bath?: Yes
Smoked?: Yes
Bungee jumped?:Yes
Made yourself throw up?:Yes, if I'm drunk as hell or have a headache. 
Skinny dipped?: Yup
Ever been in love?:  Yes
Made
yourself cry to get out of trouble?: What me! *feins innocence*
Ever seen pictured your crush naked? Yes
Actually seen your crush naked?:  Yes
Cried
when someone died?: Yes
Lied: When it suits me
Fallen for your best friend?: Nah, its makes it harder when he's gay too.
Been rejected?: Yes
Rejected someone?: Yes
Used someone?: Yes, I used to be a not nice person
Done something you regret?:  Not a thing

*C U R R E N T*
Clothes: Jeans, White Sweater with a pink, blue, white, and green striped scarf
Music:  Howie Day
Annoyance: My dog who keeps putting her ball in my lap to play fetch
Smell: The outside
Desktop picture: Link
CD in player: Nothing, its broken
DVD in player:  Dead Man

*L A S T  P E R S O N*
Hugged: Jason
You IMed: Matty
You yelled at: Karl
You kissed: Jason

*A R E  Y O U*
Understanding: I'm good at seeing all sides, but there are times when people are just straight crack headed.
Open-minded: To the point of problems sometimes
Arrogant: Not as much anymore.  I've calmed down.
Insecure: Nope
Random: Very.
Smart: So smart I'm stupid
Moody: Very moody, but who isn't?
Hard working: I try to be, and I am at times, but there are just some
tasks that are pointless.  That and I wish someone would just
recognize the amazing intellegence and wit I have an  give me
money just for that so I never had to do anything again.
Organized: With work, yes. At home, no, although I try. (same as Erin's)
Healthy: No way, I am falling apart. 
Shy: Heh, a resounding  NO to that one
Difficult: So I've been told I am.
Attractive: Yes
Bored easily: Yes, my mind is to quick. 
Obsessed: No, well with what?  .
Angry: I used to own the corner stone on wrath, I'm not as bad as I am, but you still wouldn't want to piss me off.
Sad: Usually no. 
Happy: Sure. 
Hyper: . Not typically
Trusting:  To very few

*R A N D O M*
In the morning I: Wonder if today will be the day...
All you need is: A good friend, a good lover, and a black bra
Sexual preference: Men, and yes I am kinky
What do you notice first in the sex you're into:  The brain, and if they're quick, then looks. 

*W H O*
Makes you laugh the most: Jason
Makes you smile:  Jason, I love him most for this reason. 

*N U M B E R*
Of times I have had my heart broken: One. 
Of hearts I have broken: A few
Of guys I've kissed: I have no idea, a lot, probably over a hundered or so
Of CD's I own: Not many anymore as I have DJ friends who "borrow" them
Of
scars on my body: wrist, hand, finger (all from same surgery), my neck
where my drunk, coked out father threw a lit firework at me, my knees
(from riding my bike you dirty schmuck!), and my ankle.  There are
probably more, but I dont' remember
Of things that I regret: Nothing really.

Okay, that was dumb, but I did it anyway. 

So, I'm still uber irritated about this doctor thing, its all I could
think about last night.  Erin and my roomate have both suggested
my mom has exagerated what my doc said.  But I don't know, while
she is capable of doing that, I can also hear my doctor saying
it.  I feel like I should write a letter as I don't know if I can
aptly say in person what I am feeling.  I'm not going to go over
her head and get her in trouble yet, I just want to be able to express
myself to her. 

I'm also worried about my living situation.  I should have known
it maybe harmful to live with my best friend.  Then again, if we
are able to work out this shit, we may be stronger for it in the long
run.  The problem is, he is really depressed and needs to find a
job.  Not really so much for the money issue, but because he feels
lazy, like he's not pulling his weight and its bothering him.  I
can understand that.  Its sort of a sense of panic, especially
when others are depending on you.  It just seems we are very on
edge around each other.  I know he is also annoyed by certain
changes in me that may have not been so obvious before we lived
together.  Alot of the are due to my boyfriend and are actually
very good changes.  Like the ability to let go of a situation and
not let things bother me so much.  Where as Karl wants to talk
everything to death and can hold a grudge.  He seems to think we
are growing apart.  He came up with this idea in the middle of an
agruement and said it all dramatically.  All it did was piss me
off.  Changing doesn't mean growing apart, trying not to change
and hold on to things from the past is.

Oh, I found this on some random google search I did, its semi-interesting

My japanese name is
 坂本 Sakamoto
(book of the hill) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal
beautiful child).
Take your
real japanese name generator! today!

Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator
Generator.

Holy Christ its been awhile since I updated.  I guess I was so
busy for awhile and when I thought about updating I didn't know where
to begin.  But at the moment I am pissed as hell.

Okie, so some of you may know my mother and I don't get along that
well.  She is controlling, manipulative, narrow minded, and at
times, I think bipolar.   I hate it when I have to borrow
money, or have her do anything for me because she always holds it over
my head if I don't act completely right.  I get the, "After all I
do for you!" speech.  I doesn't matter if I asked her for a favor
or not, she could go out of her way to do something nice for me without
my knowledge, yet she'll always bring it back up later. 

Her is an example, and a little airing of family dirty laundry. 
My mom and step-dad separated in 1998.  Not divorced, just moved
into different houses but remained married to work on there
relationship and get back together.  So two summers ago she meets
this trashy, stupid, druggie who was living with my aunt and decided it
would be a good idea to have an affair.   He gave her a sob
story about his back hurting and she calls me and asks for my bottle of
vicodine.  To which I reply no, I have a problem giving my
medication to a known drug addict that I don't even know.  Now, if
this were my mother in pain, I would be there in a minute pills in
hand.  However, this was her sleezy boy toy.  She literally
didn't talk to me for 4 months because I wouldn't do it.  She
couldn't believe after ALL she's ever done for me I could be such a
selfish bitch.   She didn't care I had a moral issue, I was
just selfish and a bad daughter.  Thats just and example of my
mother and her logic.  Her love is never unconditional.

Okay cut to today.

I needed a prescription refilled, because of the nature of the
prescription they can't call it in, you have to go pick it up at the
doctors office.  My mother and I have the same doctor and she had
an appointment this morning, so I ask her if she'll get it for me while
she's there.  Sounds all nifty and convienent right?  Wrong,
my DOCTOR goes off on how my mother has built up big "saftey net"
around me and she needs to let me survive on my own.  I'm sure
this came about because of my mother telling my doctor her fucked up
view of me and how much she does for me. 

So my mother calls me and tells me today that she isn't going to help
me with amything anymore because she now fully understands she does to
much for me.  WTF.  WTF. WTF. WTF.

I am a remarkably self-sufficient person and I hate having to borrow
anything from the woman, partly because I hate having to borrow from
anyone, but mostly because I know I'll never live down the fact she did
something for me and it will be thrown in my face, over and over and
over. 

What I am most pissed about is my doctor.  I don't know what to
do.  I don't want to change doctors as she is a really good doctor
and I've been going to her for a long time.  But I feel so
betrayed.   Now I know I'll never be able to work shit out
with my mother as she has heard from a medical professional confirm her
fucked up mindset.  Should I change doctors, should I write her a
letter, should I go in?  I don't know.  I'm just so fucking
disgusted and pissed off I can't even see straight.  I don't know
if I will ever feel comfortable seeing this woman again, how dare she
dole out advise when she only knows one side of the story. 

Okie, its been a little while.  I am still trying to get over the exhaustion of the move and then Thanksgiving right after it.  The most exciting news I have right now is I got a dog!

She is 3-4 years old and her name is Ginger.  She came with that name and I'm not to big on it but she answers to it so I feel bad changing it.  She plays fetch and always wants love and attention!  I have wanted a dog for forever but my boyfriend told me I couldn't have one until we got a house or townhouse.  Ofcoarse I was prepared and we had her two days after we moved in.  She is house broken and all of that good stuff so no worries about accidents.

Thanksgiving was good.  My roommate came with my boyfriend and I to my families.  It was actually fun this year and not the exhausting and annoying event it usually it.  We ended the evening by playing Pictionary and had a blast.  Its odd, usually my family can't stand to be around each other, yet every blue moon we all get along fantastically and seem like a family.  I think that may be what keeps us from murdering each other. 

I'm reading Wicked right now.  Its the Wizard of Oz only told throught he Wicked Witches point of view.  Its really good.  I highly suggest it to any readers out there.

Its 3:45am and I'm moving in 6 hours.  The past three days have been nothing but packing hell.  Comcast should have our connection up on Monday.  If I'm MIA, its because my internet company sucks ass and can't do a damn thing right. 

Please everyone pray for me as I commence on spending more than five minutes with my mother.  And if you get a call at 2am its probably me and I need help hiding a body. 

So I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everthing ready to move this weekend not to mention the fact the money that was tight already is getting stretched even tighter.  I have been talking to a temp agency that thinks they can place me, the only problems I am having is all the positions are out in the area I am MOVING AWAY from.  Where the hell were these jobs 6 months ago when I needed them?  I told the agency if they don't find anything closer to where I am moving in a week or so, I'll take one of the jobs out here.  It just seems stupid to be moving away from a place I will now be working at with in 5 minutes.  Oh well, thats my luck I guess. 

My boyfriend suggested we go donate plasma as they give you $30 on the spot.  So thats an additional $60 right away, I just feel so unbelievably ghetto doing that.  Well, its either that or ask my mother to borrow some money and I would soon donate all my blood that have to ask my mother for money.  I will suffer less in the long run

I have contacted the cable people to tell them I want my internet and TV hooked up on Monday as that is the day I plan to be completely in the new place.  They have assured me it should be pretty seemless, but for some reason I don't believe them at all.  So if I seem to disappear early next week, assume I am fighting the good fight with my evil cable company. 

Bush...won...Bush frickin' won!  Whoa unto us!  I can't believe half of America is fucking stupid.  I have meet some interesting republicans that I respect, but they are so few and far between.  And I can't wait until someone can give me a reason that gays can't get married that doesn't have to do with the church and a bible verse.  Blah, I want to move to Canada.  Well, I hope the world doesn't go to hell in a hand basket in the next 4 years. 

Oh a happier note!  I GET TO MOVE IN TWO AN A HALF WEEKS!!!  Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy!!!  I can't wait until I get out of this god forsaken place.  I had the enjoyment of giving my 30 day notice to my apartment manager when she came over THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN to "inspect" my apartment.  She was there with her boss too, and I let her have it when it comes to my feelings about the complex as well as the management.  It felt good and I hope I ruined her day as bad as she ruined my halloween night. 

The only thing I'm not looking forward to is moving the weekend before Thanksgiving in the rain.  Maybe I can talk my mom and step-dad into getting me a U-Haul.