Oh look, a new protected post below here!  I wonder what mysteries it contains?!?!   As always, if I somehow managed to leave you off the list to view this post, let me know, it certainly wasn't intentional!

NEW PROTECTED POST!!!

So everyone can quit complaining, you happy now?    I hope I didn't leave anyone out, let me know if I did.

Okay, yes posts have been private for awhile now.  Let me know if you aren't seeing the magical entries and want to.

Hi Karl!  Yes, I know you read my blog.   Call me, lets do coffee.

If you are seeing this as the most recent post, its because directly above it is an invisible protected post only viewable to those on my list.  I've just has something happen in my life that I don't want to put out there for the world to see just yet.  Something very scary and very sad to me.  If I've some how left you off the magic list and you want to view the entry, comment and let me know.  If you don't have a xanga account, email me and I'll send it to you.  Thank you to those in my life who are true friends and standing by me in this.  I love you all. 

I'm at work.  Its Wednesday which means its the busiest day of the week because we have the two new classes starting.  Sooo.....I'm slacking.  I just really don't want to fucking work today.  I left early yesterday because I had a headache that was threatening to turn into a migraine.  I left about 2pm and was home in bed by 2:30pm, slept until 8pm where I woke up to watch American Idol (please don't tell anyone) and then House at 9pm (you can tell people about this, House is a damn good show).  Then it was back to bed for me.  So I got copious amounts of sleep and am alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic.  Therein lies my problem.  Work goes so much smoother when I'm in a haze and can coast through the day without the knowledge I'm wasting my life away in the hell hole.  Tonight I must get less sleep.

Actually, I do like my job.  Its just not want I want to do with my life.  Oh well...one day right?  At least thats what I keep telling myself.  On day Jason will be done with school and it will be my turn.  The things we do for those we love. 

I work with this one dude, his name is Chip.  Now take everything that name conjures up in your mind and make it manifest into a living breathing man.  That's Chip.  I don't need to describe him because your mental image his name invokes is enough.  But lets pretend for a second you can't imagine things for shit and I'll describe him anyway.  He's about 5'9" semi-stocky build with blond hair that is cut into a style I can only describe as being done by his own mother.  His looks about 12 but in reality is 28.  He is a 'Super Christian' and married when he was 25 because he knocked his girlfriend up in their first sexual experience.  When I say first sexual experience I mean period, the first, the great defloweration.  See Chip was saving himself for marriage and the devil weakened his will with his then girlfriends wobbly ass swathed in sultry stretch denim from Layne Bryant.  They go to church every Sunday, and again on Wednesdays for 'youth groups' and 'woman's studies' and whatever the hell else said Christians do.  

Now being a Christian isn't the problem.  I couldn't care less if on believes in God.  I believe in a creater just not in a Christian sense.  My problem lies in the fact he's the most insecure bible thumping idiot I've ever...okay that right there...what I was going to say about 'ever', that's a lie.  Its the fact I'm forced to be around him.  I can't get away from him.  And its driving me insane.  I'm about to make him a martyr for the cause.  Only I don't know if you can be a martyr if they can't find your body.   Today we were standing in a door way and I had a high lighter uncapped in my hand that accidentally touched him and made a yellow dot.  He looks at me and says, "You know, my wife would appreciate you touching me like that."  I didn't know what the fuck to say.  I just looked at him and went, "Are you fucking kidding me?"  He told me he wasn't but I don't think he understood my tone.  I wanted to follow him out and tell him how never in a million and one years would I touch him with someone else vagina.  My lack of God forbids it!  I'd soon masturbate with a shard of broken glass and that his ugly, insecure, god warrior of a wife has nothing to worry about.  

Things like this have happened a few times, apparently  I sit to close to him and his wife was uncomfortable with it because obviously I want to do nasty fornicating things with him so he moved his desk.  Apparently my v-neck sweater is cut to low.  He also doesn't appreciate the comments I make and I use the lords name in vain to much.  Yes, I use the lords name in vain to much.  So much that he actually went to my boss and I was pulled into his office to have a talk about it.  My response to my boss?  "That's God damned stupid Doug".  He agreed thankfully.  Chip shall soon be out of my department thankfully.  He thinks he runs this department and is bossy as hell but really has no authority.  This is all due to insecurity and the fact he has no people skills.  He basically talked himself in to a demotion. 

So weeee!  People are screaming my name so I guess I should stop ignoring them now and get to it. 

Goodness I'm tired!!!  I've been battling this cold that will not quit.  I think my boyfriend and I are just passing it back and forth to each other.  I woke up the other night and he was facing me with his mouth gapped open breathing hot, dirty sickness directly onto my face.  Boy was that sexy. 

I've been running myself a bit ragged lately.  We've had a bunch of impromptu lodge meetings which all happen in Tacoma which is a 2 and a half hour drive north.  God I'm sick of I-5.   But its always fun to meet with those people, I've even made it up to Seattle a few times to meet with some of the senior members. 

So I had one our our corporate auditors from Memphis, TN come to the terminal to spend a week with me.  Can I just tell you how much not fun that was?  Let me explain something.  I am the Safety and Compliance Officer for my terminal.  This means that no one gets hired unless they go through me and I decide their DOT physical, motor vehicle reports, and paperwork are all signed and in order and meets our standards.  I also have to take care of the employed drivers if they have any workmans comp problems, payroll problems, or if they are put on safety hold for whatever reason I am responsible for getting them off.  That sounds really bad, but oh well.  Now I keep checking, but I am only one person.  If anyone out there knows where the other me's are, please send them my way as they are needed.  Now, my position in Memphis consists of 8-10 people.  This woman doesn't seem to comprehend why my terminal, being a smaller one, has to make adjustments accordingly as I am only one person with two hands, and half a brain.  So it was a week of hell as she dictated every little thing I was doing wrong and how I needed to do it by the letter.  It was a lot of smiling and nodding by my boss and myself until she left and we changed everything back to the old way we did it.  Who the hell cares how we get it done, as long as the job is done at the end of the week.  We've never had a problem with this. 

The other thing about this woman that exhausted me...she wanted to go out EVERY DAMN NIGHT!  She wanted to see downtown and go to bars.  Now, I'm not a fuddy duddy yet and still do enjoy the occasional drink and a live music show, but not on a work night and not every night of the week.  However this womans opinion directly affects my job and whether or not I get to keep it so I had to oblige.  Now, she is souther.  Baptist southern.  So she has her opinions on things that I just don't agree with.  Of coarse due to the business part of our relationship I could come right out and tell her to fuck off so I had to show my dissent in my own little ways.  One night I made sure to take her to this neat little wine bar....directly next door to one of Portlands oldest gay bars.  So no, we weren't in a gay bar, but she had to see it walking in and walking out.  The second night I chose a bar right next door to the club that is the longest running drag show in Portland.  Some of the 'woman' she couldn't even tell until it was tooo late and she had already engaged them in conversation.  The third night I took her to a bar next door to one of Portlands many goth clubs.  She took one look at the black clad, white make-up wearing, black haired people with piercing's everywhere and went, "Are those garth people!?!?"  I explained to her that the term was 'goth' and that yes, they were.  It also happened to be a fetish night so she was vastly confused about why some people had their girlfriends or boyfriends on leashes. 
Hey, if I have to deal with her and her ignorant, bigoted ass, I'm going to do it my way.  She asked if we had any country music/line dancing clubs, and thankfully we don't, so I don't have to feel bad if I had to have lied to her.  Aw, who the hell am I kidding, I wouldn't have felt bad in the least!  So that had me exhausted, then I had to drive to Tacoma Saturday morning and didn't get back until late that night.  So I am one sleepy girl.  In fact, I think I'm going to go hit the pillow!

Good night!  I love you all!

I know February is a short month, but its only half way done and it feels like its been really long already.

I think part of that is because all of the court drama with my ex-roomie is done and over with.  We settled out of court, him paying up some of the money he owed us for past bills, no charges filed.  I think a large part of that is because he wants to do an exchange program in Japan in September and a conviction on him would prevent him from leaving the state, let alone the country.  I'm glad I was very sick of always having to go back and forth to court.  I'm still bothered because I don't think he thinks he did a damn thing wrong in any of it.  But that's on him, not me.  I believe the universe has a way of righting itself. 

*yawn*Well, I'm tired and my bed beckons.  I think now that I'm a little less stressed I can be in the right mind frame to start making regular updates again. 

Thanks to those of you who are still out there reading.  *HUGS*

Anyone know what's worse than being alone of Valentines Day?

Being with someone on that day only they forget...

Hello all!  I know its been forever but life has been crazy lately and I don't even know where to start.  Part of the reason I've been so absent is that I got a promotion at work YAY!  I got a $2.50/hr raise and lot more responsibility.  I never thought I'd say this, but I love my job.  Obviously its not what I intend to do forever and I will still continue school to pursue my goals, but in the mean time, it feels pretty damn nice.  I've racked up over 15 hours of overtime in one week and that time seemed to fly by.  Partly because I'm busy, and party because I'm enjoying myself so I'm not watching the clock.

I fractured my tailbone.  Its very painful.  The pain moves from my back and radiates into my right hip and down that leg.  The doctor said its a long healing process because you have to wait for it to heal itself.  They can't exactly put a cast on your ass.  Jason had a bright idea to go snowboarding.  I hate snow.  Its cold, wet, and slippery...basically everything snow is supposed to be.  If I could snowboard in a tank top I'd be all over it.  But being the good sport that I am, I let him talk me into it.  It was a whole 5 minutes before someone fell behind me and rolled under me, taking my legs out and I landed flat on my ass.  I was not a happy camper.

So due to that I got out of moving, Jason is still convinced it was my master plan all along.  While I am evil, I'm not that masochistic.  A lot of our stuff is still in boxes, we just haven't had time to unpack.  But that is what I shall be doing this weekend. 

I'm sure there is more, but I am exhausted.  I just wanted to let you all know I am still alive out here!

Sorry I've been absent so long. Right as I got into blogging again my work did something to the web filter and I had to find a new way around it with my proxy. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't able to get on the internet.

So I've been thinking of changing my user name on here due to some weird viewings I can't explain. Just coming from odd places. I can't afford to do that whole upgrade thing and make everything private. And I don't want too make everything private, I really don't mind other xanga users searching and reading then commenting, however I don't like multiple odd IPs finding me through MSN searches then sitting on my xanga for 3+ hours. It some how makes me feel icky. There is nothing here that damned interesting. So I'll be excepting new name ideas.

So I fell off the smoking wagon. I had to go to court last Wednesday for the psycho ex-roomie thing. I was ill, I puked before we left the house and then again at the court house. I walked outside because I was hyperventilating and smelled the sweet sweet smell of nicotine and tobacco. I wanted one, I ran...literally, to the store across the street and bought a pack. I pulled one out and looked at it in my hand. It seemed almost foreign after so long. I pulled out a lighter (yes I still carry a lighter, they always come in handy) and lit the end and took a good long pull.

...It tasted like heaven. Heavens ass but heaven none the less. There are many types of good cigarettes. The first cigarette of the morning with your cup of coffee, the after a big delicious dinner cigarette, the I just got of a 12 hour flight and I'm feigning like crazy cigarette, the cigarette you smoke while at a awesome show and drinking a beer, and the after good exhausting sweaty sex cigarette. None of those came close to the enjoyment I had with this one damn cigarette on the most stressful day of my life. Oh sweet nicotine how I missed you.

I don't know if its going to become a habit again. It may, it may not. But I haven't smoked for a year so I know I can quit for an extended period of time. That makes me feel good and hopeful. The only problem I've ever had is the fact I never wanted to quit in the first place. Oh well, such is life.

But I have to go back to court on the 21st of November. Karls attorney got caught up in a previous trial so we had to wait again. I do think I'll feel better about it the second time around. I was really expecting some big scary Law and Order type scene with the court room and the lawyers, but it was nothing like that. The courtrooms were actually very cozy and warm. The D.A. handling our case looks like she's all of 12 though but that's okay as I'm sure becoming a district attorney is no small feat.

There was a lot of watiing around. We've waited forever to even be able to go to the trial now we sat in the hall way waiting for about 4 hours. During the course of this I looked down and saw the biggest cockroach of my entire life. about two+ inches long. Thankfully it was dead and curled up on its back. All I could think was that it died waiting for his trial because they take so fricking long.

I'll maybe update a little later on today and recount my trip to Seattle for you, but for now my boss seems to want me to actually work. Bastard.